there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
