I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
