I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
