If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
