those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Randomize
