Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
