can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
