so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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