Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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