when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
