Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
