Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
