North Korea, Best Korea!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
