My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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