I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
