I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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