Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
