I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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