Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
