honey bunches of taint.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
