im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
