peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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