I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
