and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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