what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
