Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
