She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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