Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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