The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
