you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
