u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
