If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
