I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
