I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
