he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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