Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
