Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Someone shattered a urinal.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
