'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
