At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
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