Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
