I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I think I died a long time ago.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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