I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
