Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
