Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
