Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
