i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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