I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
