Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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