I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
