his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Randomize
