So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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